Six Months Later

26 angels

26 angels

I am one of the lucky ones.   I didn’t lose anyone I love.  My children were safe.  They were actually miles away.  But we were affected and I have changed.  That day and that town that borders my small town in rural Connecticut, are now infamous.  No one I knew knew of that town if they didn’t live within 10 miles of it.  Well, they may have heard of it, but they didn’t usually know it.

That town two miles from my driveway is where we go to get ice cream from the farm stand with the grazing cows.  That town my best friend and her family had lived in and where her kids had gone to school until a few months before that fateful December day.  Her 6 year old daughter could have been a victim had they not moved.  That town where we still go to see movies in its town hall.  Where we shop.  Where we visit doctors and dentists.  That town where we played lava tag in the park just minutes from the school.  Or where we swam in the summer in that park.  Or sledded in the winter in that park in that town.  That town that we drive through to get to the highway.  That town we’d bring our bikes and bike around the old mental hospital grounds turned into biking and hiking trails, soccer fields, baseball fields and even indoor playing fields.  That town I have so many connections to. Yet, that town is not my town.  It is not our town.  But it is.  That town where it happened.  That town that everyone now knows.  That town that felt tremendous pain. 

The pain is shared just like our borders. 

We have so many connections to those killed.  Friend of a friend.  Friend’s nephew.  But our connections don’t really matter because we still have our loved ones.  It is hard, yet not as hard as it can be.  Not as hard as the families that lost innocent children or loving adults.

We are connected in so many ways and feel their pain yet spared so much of it.   We are the lucky and we must fight for them.  Our neighbors.  Our friends.  Our family.  Our new found voices.  For the 26.  For the town.  For Newtown.  For Sandy Hook (the town within the town).

Please visit www.sandyhookpromise.org and take the pledge.   And please contact your legislators to get common sense gun legislation passed– like universal background checks.  Don’t let this pain get to your town.  This will happen again if the national laws don’t change.  This will happen again if we don’t change the conversation. 

This is the one subject I will get off-subject for.  Today it was 6 months ago.  Yet I remember what I was doing and who I was doing it with.  How we learned about it.  How we looked around us in case someone was headed our way.  How we called our schools and checked in on our kids.   But as I said, we got good news.  We got our kids back that day.  

Together we are strong

Together we are strong

I took these photos when I dropped off coats and backpacks in Sandy Hook a week after 12/14.

Today

My friend and I went for a walk before sitting down to watch the Anderson Cooper Live show that I attended last week.  The cast of the Hobbit were the guests and my friend Abby was selected to ask Richard Armitage a question.  But instead of watching a fun time we were interrupted during our walk by my brother calling me from California to ask “How close is Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown to you…  Next town over. My friend Amy’s children were there before they moved to Los Osos, California in July… there’s been a shooting… a shooting?!”

Then we grab our iphones and start searching for news.  Told the police were on lookout for a purple/maroon van with possible suspects heading our way.  Call the school— since we found out there was no lockdown, no police presence (which changed)  Told 2 people shot then as news comes in 4 people shot.  We got to my house sat down and news coverage was tuned in to the story.  Misinformation of course gave us wrong person for a while but the most shocking was the numbers.  

27 people dead.  So many children.  We just broke down sobbing.  It’s right next door, just miles away, we know people there with children in the school.  It could have been our children.  It is just so fucking insane and senseless.  

The gunman entered the classes and shot 5-6-7 year old children.  My son is in kindergarten with a boy who would’ve gone to that school but his mom is a teacher in our town and can send him to our school.  How lucky she must feel for that choice.  How horrible it is for so many families in Newtown.  A friend of a friend had not heard as of 5 pm about her first grade son, but it now seems that the worst is the reality. 

This day forever changed so many lives.  I am so saddened and sorry for the families in Sandy Hook.  My heart goes out to all the families. 

And we have heard that the friend’s son was killed.  So horrible. I feel for the family.  

For the first time I’m happy my friend and her family moved.  Her daughter had 10 friends killed.  Amy knew several teachers and the principal. It’s just tragic.